So, itâ€™s been a LONG 8 weeks. Test after test, appointment after appointment. I think so far Iâ€™ve had
Ultrasound, Mammogram, Ultrasound again, Biopsy, MRI, Bone Scan, CT Scan and another Biopsy, some more dye and another scan plus all of the surgeon appointments in between and the WAITINGâ€¦..
After all of that I can confirm I am having a Mastectomy with sentinol lymph node biopsy. After that, I donâ€™t really know.
I think the biggest lesson and advice I can give to anyone else going through this journey is that it is just one step at a time and YOUR journey is YOUR JOURNEY.
As much as Iâ€™m a planner and like to be organised, this journey has completely taken that out of my hands. On Monday I found out surgery is booked in for Friday and I still have no idea what timeâ€¦
So when I get messages asking me how Iâ€™m going and whatâ€™s happening, honestly half the time I donâ€™t know yet. I do understand the process, as the surgeons wanted a complete picture of what was happening before doing surgery. If they hadnâ€™t, I would have had a lumpectomy only to have been told there was more cancer and I needed a mastectomy. So as torturous as the waiting has been, Iâ€™m glad that they persisted and did all the tests they needed.
Itâ€™s interesting, as until you go through this journey yourself, itâ€™s hard to understand. How can the Drâ€™s not know whatâ€™s happening next? I still get asked if Iâ€™m having Chemo or Radiation and honestly I donâ€™t know yetâ€¦possiblyâ€¦ nothing is ever cancelled out. Itâ€™s just a matter of seeing what the next set of test results show.
So how am I feelingâ€¦. Well, I organised a couple of visitors and it really has made a huge difference. Camâ€™s sisters came up and it was so lovely to see them and have a nice distraction throughout the waiting. Then this last weekend I had my own sisters come up and we had the best time. I think itâ€™s been at least 20 years since weâ€™ve spent time together without any kids and geez, did we have some talking to catch-up on. We sat by the pool until 2am and I think we could have kept going but we kinda realised how much we would suffer the next day (such nannas ðŸ¤£).
Iâ€™ve been having days where I am positive and grateful and days where I am completely overwhelmed, and my anxiety is through the roof. I have been lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people, but at times this has also been hard. Getting messages is lovely but replying can be draining when you honestly donâ€™t know what to write. I do eventually respond, but if I donâ€™t respond straight away, please donâ€™t get offended. I appreciate the thought, I just sometimes find it all too much.
Iâ€™m going into surgery feeling positive but also scared. The fear of waking up without a boob is kinda weird. As much as you try and psych yourself for it, I donâ€™t know if it will make the process any easier.
I have decided to fly my parents up to help out with Braden when Iâ€™m in hospital, as Iâ€™m not sure if brining him into hospital will be a good idea just yet. He has told me he will get worried if he sees me struggling, so Iâ€™m just not sure what will happen there yet, maybe some video calls might be in order.
So thatâ€™s where Iâ€™m at so far. Itâ€™s definitely a journey and Iâ€™m realising that as it goes on, itâ€™s not a quick one. I am feeling confident that I will come out of this stronger than ever, and Iâ€™m so grateful for my life and the people in it, especially my amazing husband Cam who has been my absolute rock.
Thanks again for everyoneâ€™s well wishes. I WILL get through this.