I’ve hit a point in my life where I realised I’d lost myself a bit.
Not in a dramatic, everything’s falling apart kind of way… but in a quiet, “what do I actually want?” kind of way.
And honestly, that’s been harder.
Coming up to 50, I thought I’d feel clear, excited, grounded. And I am excited about turning 50… but there’s also been a lot of reflection.
The last five or six years have been full on.
We lost my mother-in-law to stage four cancer within four months. It was one of the most challenging times we’ve been through as a family. She was such a big part of our everyday life, especially with my son (Braden). It was a real shock to see someone go from vibrant, seemingly healthy… to gone in just a few months.
Then less than a year later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
That moment… it changes you. Anyone who has gone through it will understand — in an instant, you have complete clarity on what’s important and what’s not.
One of the hardest parts was telling Braden, after he’d just lost his grandma, that now I had cancer. It was hard.
From there, it didn’t really slow down. We discovered the BRCA gene was in our family, and eight surgeries between myself and my sisters was a lot for my mum and our family.
But like everything, you just keep going. I’m a big believer in focusing on what you can control — and we did. But over time, I think it all just builds up.
And somewhere in all of that… I lost me.
Not completely. Life still looked good from the outside. We had a home, work, family, holidays… all the things.
But I didn’t feel like myself. Life was moving fast. I was moving forward. But I really didn’t know who I was anymore.
I had no hobbies. I didn’t even know where I wanted to go in my career.
I’d stepped away from my fitness business and the Bootcamp crew, something that had been a huge part of my identity — and I didn’t realise how much I’d miss the community, the energy, the purpose.
I kept trying to fix that empty feeling by doing more. New projects. New ideas. Keeping busy. And nothing was necessarily bad… but it wasn’t right either.
And I was burnt out.
Then, towards the end of last year, I finally stopped.
I made space.
And that was the turning point.
Because the clarity that came back… was the same kind of clarity I had when I was diagnosed with cancer.
That real, raw awareness of what actually matters.
And this week, I have my 5-year post-cancer follow-up appointment.
If you ever need a wake-up call… this is it.
There’s something about moments like that that cuts through the noise.
The excuses feel smaller. The delays feel pointless.
It’s a reminder that your health, your energy, your life — it actually matters now, not “one day”.
And for me, that’s the nudge I needed to get my shit together and move forward properly.
But here’s the thing — even with that clarity, I still didn’t know where to start.
And that messed with me a bit.
Because I’m someone who has worked in fitness for years… and I couldn’t even get myself consistent.
I’d have a good week, then a shit week. Stress, eating, drinking — no real structure.
Not because I didn’t know what to do… but because I hadn’t created the space to actually do it.
And that’s what I’ve realised is step one.
You can have the best intentions in the world… but if you don’t have space in your life, it’s nearly impossible to make meaningful change.
So this is where Project Me has come from.
Not as a polished program. Not as a “before and after” story.
But as a real, honest journey of finding myself again.
Yes, I want to feel good in my body. Yes, I want to drop some weight and feel strong again.
But this is bigger than that.
It’s about:
- Getting my energy back
- Feeling like me again
- Creating space in my life
- Rebuilding habits that actually stick
And doing it in a way that’s realistic… not all or nothing.
So this year so far, I’ve been laying the foundations… and it’s been more challenging than I realised.
I’ve had to be really honest with myself about what I actually want. What’s holding me back. And what I need to let go of in my life to make space for me.
I’ve spent the last phase getting clear on my why, making time, winding up projects, streamlining work, and creating better routines at home (delegating a few things too 😂).
I’ve been lifting weights consistently, moving more, and working on being more consistent with my food.
Nothing extreme. Just building the base.
But now it’s time to take it to the next level.
To get serious.
Not in an all-or-nothing way… but in a committed, intentional way so I can actually feel and see the changes.
So this is me taking things up a notch, really committing to ME.
No perfect plan. No pretending I’ve got it all sorted.
Just making the commitment to myself… and actually creating the space to follow through.
I’m going to share the journey as I go.
The wins, the setbacks, the real stuff.
Because I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this.
And here’s my line in the sand.
In about 20 weeks, I turn 50.
I’ll be standing in my villa in Bali… and it’s not just about “rocking a bikini”.
It’s about feeling strong, energised, clear… and genuinely excited about where I’m at in my life.
That’s what I’m working towards.
So if you want to follow along, keep me on track, and call me out when I start making excuses… I’m here for it.
And if you’re sitting there thinking, “I’ve lost myself a bit too…”
You’re not alone.
And maybe it just starts with making a bit of space… being really clear on your why, and being honest with yourself about what YOU actually want.
💗 Hilds
