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What I can finally say at 45

On Monday I’m turning 45 and what a year it’s been. To say it’s been a challenge would be a complete understatement.

For anyone that has been following my journey you’d know that in February I was told I had Breast Cancer. Wasn’t quite the news that I was expecting after the previous year from hell, although one thing I’ve never really thought about is ‘why me’.

So many people ask me this. Do you wonder why you? Comments like ‘It’s not fair is it’.  Honestly, I’ve never really thought like that and if I did wonder why me, my answer would be:

Because I’m strong and I know I can handle it!

Because at 44 (nearly 45) I can say I love myself and I’m proud of myself and my strength.

Yep, I said it and in public ‘I love myself’.

I honestly didn’t think I’d ever get to the point where I could say this and geez, I wish I could have in my 20’s.

I know when I was younger, I’d make comments like ‘geez she really loves herself’ as if loving yourself was a negative thing.

We should all love ourselves, it’s kind of crazy not to. How do you honestly expect anyone else to truly love you if you don’t love yourself?

Do I think I’m better than anyone else? Hell no.
Do I think I’m perfect? Hell no.
But I am proud of myself.

I appreciate my body in all shapes as it’s been strong enough to help me get through this journey. It’s helped me recover from surgery to remove my cancer (yes, it’s gone!!!). It’s going to help me manage the medication I need to take to stop cancer from ever coming back and deal with the reconstruction process.

I appreciate my mind as it’s given me the strength to stay positive, to follow my dreams and build a life I love.

I’m not embarrassed by any of this. Finally, I don’t give a crap what others think of me.

I care about MY ACTIONS and how they impact me and anyone who I choose to have in my life.

I don’t care about titles or being known for certain skills.

Loving yourself isn’t about being self-centred or self-obsessed (we see a lot of that on social media these days). Loving yourself is being ok with WHO you are. For sure you might not love every aspect of yourself right now but appreciate where you are right now and if you want to improve feel proud of yourself for taking the steps. Don’t hate yourself in the process. LOVE YOURSELF for wanting to become a better person.

Anyway, that’s just my thought for the day. I just had another amazing session on the Spin Bike and got inspired to say something that I never thought I could and if I can just get one more person to realise THEY ARE AMAZING NOW then this post was worth it.

Have an amazing day.

Love, Hilds

Comments (5)

Elissa Wixon

Fuck I love you Hilds!

Hilde

Right back at your Liss!

Gillian Whaites

Well said Hilde. I think it’s common for most of us to have insecurities in our teens and twenties and in our thirties too. We never stop learning and trying to find our place in this world.
We finally come to the realisation that we are the person we are and we don’t have to live up to ideals set by others.
Some folk never quite accept and celebrate
who they are and keep trying to be like everyone else instead of enjoying their own path.

Hilde

Thanks Auntie Gill. It’s GREAT getting older and loving life!

Gillian Whaites

Hilde, I’m proud of who you have become and how you’ve handled life’s challenges. Big hugs.

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